Friendship put to the Test - 1 Samuel 20
Prayer: Lord as we go through this passage help us to learn about the bonds of friendship between David & Jonathan, and help us to learn to be loyal friends as they were. Help us Lord to learn from these two men with unique callings, who both seek to honor you in the way you called them, and as we learn help us to each be content with the unique calling you have placed on our lives.
Saul is losing it & David is on the run. David's had to leave behind his home, his wife, and his jobs... but he knew where to go for help, he turned to Samuel (God's prophet) and once again Saul's plans to get rid of David are thwarted. Now David is going to turn to his best friend & most committed associate for help, Jonathan (Saul's son).
Quickly Form Groups and answer these Questions:
1. In your life, what has caused the person(s) you call "best friend" to hold that special title?
2. Is your best friend a brother/sister in Christ?
a. If yes: what impact does your shared faith have?
b. If no: how do you deal with issues of faith?
<have groups share answers... some thoughts:> (1) The ability to safely share secrets or intimate information, with complete confidence and with no fear of gossip. (2) My shared faith with those I consider my best friends means I can share the deepest part of who I am: my relationship with the Lord... and when that relationship with the Lord is hurting I can share those hurts with them & they understand and care for me.
New Moon Festival (paraphrased from my Chronological Study Bible): The new moon marked the beginning of a new month in ancient society, in Israel this became an important festival, so important that it was expected to continue in the new earth where people enjoy companionship with God (Isaiah 66:22-23). It was supposed to be a solemn day by statute of God (Psalm 81:3-4), but apparently not everyone appreciated it (Amos 8:4-6).
1 Samuel 20 v1-3: David has fled from Naioth, apparently to get away from Saul (who you remember from last week was laying there stripped of his clothes & prophesying - likely against his will). David heads to another trusted one, another who has shown his faith in God, his best friend Jonathan. David fills Jonathan in but Jonathan is having trouble believing him, Jonathan doesn't realize that his Dad the king is now keeping his intentions secret from him. David comes to Jonathan in a panic & takes out his frustrations on him... it almost seems as if they're yelling at each other... but what is amazing is that they are able to speak their minds with each other, even in the midst of their emotional turmoil, and move on without it having a negative impact... this is an amazing friendship.
v4-8: Jonathan is willing to help David, and David devises a test that will bring out the truth in the matter. David would have been expected to be at the feast, to dine with the king, it was his assigned place. To not attend the feast would require a legitimate excuse, and Jonathan is going to provide one... how Saul reacts will tell Jonathan the truth. David challenges Jonathan: "if I'm guilty kill me, why hand me over to your father?" David is in essence placing his life in Jonathan's hands... this is the mark of a true friendship, trusting each other with our very lives.
v9-11: Jonathan isn't about to hand David over to his father without knowing the truth about his father - Jonathan is in a tough spot. Jonathan needs, as a servant of God, to honor Saul both as his father and as the king; yet, Jonathan needs to make sure that in doing so he doesn't sin and harm an innocent man, one he's made a covenant with before the Lord. Jonathan needs to know the truth...
v12-15: Jonathan is determined to get to the bottom of things with his father, and to let David know the results. If Saul is favorably disposed toward David he'll let David know, if not he'll help David get away safely. In return Jonathan asks a special favor of his best friend: continue to show kindness to Jonathan's family - even if all David's other enemies have been defeated don't take Saul's actions out against the rest of his family. This might seem strange to us, but in their culture leaving a descendant of the defeated king meant that you were leaving someone to exact revenge on your family in the future.
v16-17: David & Jonathan reaffirm their covenant, and apparently this time there is a portion of the covenant that represents promises on David's part (likely the promise to remain kind to Jonathan's family).
v18-23: Jonathan agrees to carry out David's plan, and devises a way to communicate to David the results. Jonathan will come out to a field, one he and David knew well & that had a good hiding spot. Jonathan will shoot arrows, have a target practice of sorts, something very ordinary for Jonathan to do. Jonathan will bring a boy with him to collect his arrows, also an ordinary activity; however, when he instructs the boy he will speak words that will tell David precisely what his next actions should be - whether to stay or go.
v24-27: The feast begins and David is missing... David would have been expected to attend & Saul was probably waiting for him hoping to have another chance to kill him. Saul arrogantly thought that there was no way David would miss the feast, even though Saul had pursued him. Saul keeps his cool the first day of the feast, telling himself that David must have become ceremonially unclean. But on the second day of the feast Saul's true feelings start to show, he starts asking about David but can't bring himself to use David's name - he's already exhibiting veiled anger - he calls David "the son of Jesse", attempting in his own way to dehumanize David.
v28-33: Jonathan provides David with an acceptable excuse for missing the feast, that of observing a sacrifice with his family at the request/order of his brother. In their culture that would have been a reasonable excuse, giving honor to God and to Family were highly esteemed. Saul is ticked, he knows David is avoiding him, and now he realizes Jonathan knows that he's out to kill David & is protecting David. Saul looses it, does the equivalent of a nasty "Yo Mamma" insulting his own wife in the process... now he not only can't call David by name he appears unable to address Jonathan directly as well. Saul's wrath is fully exposed, his intent is exposed... he tries to excuse his anger by saying that he's just looking out for Jonathan's best interests - after all Jonathan won't inherit the kingdom if David is around (remember the giving of the clothing / armor & transfer of position from the beginning of Chapter 18). Jonathan knows better than to trust his Dad at this point, and refuses to expose David, at which point dear old Dad tries to skewer his own son... yikes! Now Jonathan knows the truth, there is no doubt, he knows that his Dad (King Saul) intends to kill David.
Rebecca Manley Pippert, in her book A Heart Like His, speaks about Jonathan honoring his father at this point:
"Jonathan did honor his father; he told Saul the truth. Furthermore, when he realized his father was in deep rebellion against God, Jonathan refused to assist him in his destructive efforts..."
v34: Could a father & son be any more different from each other? Saul's anger is self-centered, we might call it self-righteous, and sinful. Jonathan's anger is righteous and does not lead to sin, instead it leads to grief at the sin of his father. Saul wants what he wants no matter the price, even at the price of the life of his own son. Jonathan wants what God wants, no matter the price, even though it cost him the kingdom - in fact he'd already willingly given up the kingdom to the one he believed God had chosen.
v35-40: Jonathan is a man of his word - he goes to the field with a young boy, shoots his arrows, gives the signal... Then he sends the boy away, carrying his weapons back to town.
v41-42: After the boy has left David bows down to Jonathan, an act of submission and respect - after all David knows its not his time to be king yet, Jonathan is still technically his superior and Jonathan has acted in a manner that deserves respect - risking his own position (and in fact his own life) for David's sake. Then they embrace, and kiss (customary greeting for this culture - not homosexual behavior), and wept... and it says David wept the most. These two friends were being vulnerable with each other, this is another mark of an amazing friendship. David was a very tenderhearted man, we don't know why he wept so deeply - perhaps for Jonathan because of his Dad, perhaps for his own loss of home/wife/job, but I think its really because he knew he had to leave behind his best & most trusted friend... a tremendous loss for a man who had already lost so much! They part company, at peace with each other & with God, and still bound by a covenant to each other. David will start to gather other men around him, his "mighty men", and will not serve Saul again. Jonathan will continue to obediently serve his father King Saul, keeping the unique & likely awkward position given to him by God, until he dies.
Closing Prayer: Lord thank you for showing us David's troubles, how he expresses his emotions, and how he is vulnerable with those he trusts. Help each of us to have those special, perhaps sacred, friendships which can withstand the storms of our lives. Thank you also for showing us Jonathan as a man of Godly character, help us also to be men and women that honor you no matter our circumstances. Amen!
Quickly Form Groups Again, and answer the following questions:
3. What stands in the way of you being open & vulnerable with your close friends? What can be done to change this?
4. Are you in the awkward position of having a parent/boss/superior that doesn't honor God, yet that God says you must respect (or even serve)? How should you deal with this?
5. Chuck Swindoll points out that David was stripped of all human "crutches" (home, wife, job, best friend), possibly so that he would learn to depend on God alone. What "crutches" in your life would you have difficulty loosing & why?
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