Trouble with David's Children - 2 Samuel 13:1-22
Prayer: Lord sometimes your Word contains things that are difficult for us to process, painful things, but it reminds us that this life is painful & that your Word is truth. Help us to work through this painful passage, and help us to be compassionate to those who have suffered deep hurt at the hands of others. We may not be able to understand the pain another has faced, but we must be ready with listening ears & loving ways. Amen!
Quickly Form Groups:
1. I want you to think of a time when you or someone close to you was deeply hurt at the hands of another (don't share, just think back). When dealing with deep hurts what helps & what doesn't help?
In our last lesson David was given 3 levels of prophetic consequences for his sin with Bathsheba, one of which occurred almost immediately. In this lesson we begin to see the other consequences begin to play out. Many commentators maintain that the reason these things happen are due to David's many wives & concubines, something that puts him in a position of compromise to God's pure ways. Add to this his own failings concerning Bathsheba, and the result is that David has undermined his own authority within his family to hold his children accountable for their sins.
A bit about David's family at this point, at this point he has at least 8 wives & an unknown number of concubines. David eventually has at least 17 sons, though there are probably many more than that, and an unknown number of daughters. Presumably the children were each raised by their own mothers, and dear old dad David probably had little time to interact with all his children.
David's children in this passage are the following:
- Amnon, a son of Ahinoam (wife #2) & David's oldest son
- Tamar, a daughter of Maacah (wife #4) - 1/2 sister to Amnon
- Absalom, a son of Maacah - Tamar's full brother
2 Samuel 13:1 - When we read just this one verse we run into a couple possible misunderstandings:
- First, there would have been no problem with a romance & marriage between these two in those days - they were not full siblings, probably raised in two different households by two different mothers & this sort of thing was not uncommon. Some commentators say that this was "wrong" because it was incestuous, but the scripture does not support that view, so we need to make sure not to rush to judgement. After all Abraham "the friend of God" & first of the patriarchs was married to Sarah, his half-sister.
- Second, we need to be careful with the word "love". This particular Hebrew word for "love" has a few possible meanings, and we shouldn't assume this was any sort of pure innocent care or devotion, as we read the following verses I think this will become clear.
2 Samuel 13:2 - Amnon's feelings for Tamar seem to be a combination of desire & obsession, and apparently all his efforts to seduce her had gone unfulfilled. The passage tells us Tamar is a virgin, and this is important for a variety of reasons we'll discuss as we continue. We were told in verse 1 that she was beautiful, and knowing she's a virgin we can assume she is young - perhaps a teenager. From the tone of the passage I'm certain Amnon is not a virgin, in fact he may be as old as in his 30s & is probably a seasoned warrior since he was born in Hebron (2 Samuel 3:2), born when David was ruling over Judah & before he was ruling over all Israel. At this point Amnon may already have had concubines or wives, but we don't know - at the very least we'll see later that he has his own house & servants & doesn't live in the palace.
2 Samuel 13:3-5 - Amnon is close with his cousin Jonadab, and Jonadab is described as "shrewd". I'm guessing that these two have gotten into lots of mischief together - not surprising for cousins who are close friends. Jonadab finds out what is causing Amnon to look "haggard" in the mornings, and comes up with a plan to help Amnon seduce Tamar.
2 Samuel 13:6-7 - Amnon sets the plan in motion, he pretends to be ill & asks his dad (King David) to send his half-sister Tamar to come make him some bread & feed him. Ok, David isn't dumb, I'm sure he knew that Amnon was attracted to Tamar, and I think he probably was happy to encourage this budding romance - after all, a marriage between the two was not out of the question & Tamar was eligible to be married. David sends word for Tamar (still living in the palace) to go to Amnon's house & make him some food. Keep in mind that this is not a strange request, the wives & daughters of the king had special privileges but they were women living in a day when women answered to the men in their lives. I think it's interesting also that women in these positions at this time in Israel weren't catered to hand & foot, they were expected to contribute their domestic skills for the good of the family.
2 Samuel 13:8-10 - Tamar has obediently gone to Amnon's house, and made some bread while he watched. She's not stupid, she knows Amnon is interested because verse 2 indicates he's made advances previously. I'm wondering if she was feeling honored & excited, was Amnon going to ask for her hand? Marriage to Amnon was probably what she hoped for, it would have kept her close to home, near her family & not married off for political gain; additionally, marriage to Amnon would mean that she might be in line to be Israel's queen (Amnon was David's oldest son).
Tamar takes the bread & serves it (perhaps on a table), but he won't eat, and instead sends everyone else away. She's not afraid of him, when he asks she takes the bread to him at his bedside. What is Tamar thinking at this point? Perhaps she thinks he is not wanting his physical weakness to be seen by all (she believe's he is sick). Is she hoping he's going to state his intentions & declare his love for her?
2 Samuel 13:11 - Can you imagine how startled Tamar must have been? She probably had all these romantic imaginations, and Amnon just wants to fulfill his lust. She's not safe here and she knows it, something in his actions or in his voice or his expression are telling her he's not interested in waiting, he wants her & he wants her right now! This isn't love, this is lust. Love thinks of the other person & doesn't put their own desires first, but Tamar is still hoping for love - I think that because of what she tries to get Amnon to do next. This convinces me she must have been young, because she was still idealistic.
2 Samuel 13:12-13 - Tamar pleads with Amnon, she tries to reason with him - what he would do is wicked & shouldn't be done in Israel, perhaps this should read "shouldn't occur among God's people". She's the daughter of the king, she wants to be married & not just a concubine. She begs him to ask David for her hand, she knows her father would let them marry.
2 Samuel 13:14-15 - Amnon overpowers & rapes Tamar. Tamar may have been in love with Amnon, but this is not an act of love on his part. This is an act of selfishness & an act of hate. At one time I thought Spousal Rape was something blown out of proportion, but now I personally know a woman who was raped by her husband. In this woman's case the husband was drunk & abusing narcotic pain killers, but the act she describes was nothing short of selfish and hateful. Despite counseling their marriage didn't last, mostly because he was hard-hearted toward her. No means No, even if you're "in love", even if you're drunk, even if you're married... there are no excuses. Amnon now hates Tamar, and he is blinded by his hatred & is vicious toward her.
2 Samuel 13:16-17 - Tamar is desperate, she's trying to make the best of a terrible situation, she's willing to stay on with him despite his hateful actions because she knows what this will do to her personally if he doesn't take her in. No longer a virgin she cannot be offered by her father in marriage to anyone. But Amnon is continuing his vicious behavior, he treats her as less than a concubine & he calls his personal servant to kick her out & lock the door.
2 Samuel 13:18-19 - Tamar is still wearing one of the special robes given to the virgin daughters of the king, these garments indicate that she is a special young lady, one that the king alone could give away in marriage. She tears the robe, indicating that she has been violated & indicating her heartbreak. She also places ashes on her head & put her hand on her head and wept aloud - these are actions marking one who is grieving.
2 Samuel 13:20-22 - Absalom attempted to care for his sister, he dealt gently with her & took her into his home to care for her. Because Amnon rejected Tamar outright Tamar became "desolate", unable to marry & perhaps unable to be taken as a concubine as well (though that may have been out of the question for a daughter of the king). David is furious, but that's all it says - it doesn't say he dealt with Amnon, it doesn't say he reached out to comfort Tamar. It's possible that David just didn't know what to do, after all these are both his children, they are children of two different wives, what a mess!!Absalom hates Amnon & won't speak to him, this is a major family rift.
Next time we'll see what happens between these two half-brothers.
Closing Prayer: Lord, sometimes when we hear about terrible things like this we want to ask "Why?", we want to make sense of it, we want justice, we want to know why you didn't step in and stop it. Please help us when we ask "Why?", help us to see things through your eyes, and help us to see you at work even when exposed to the evil in the world. Amen!
Quickly Form Groups Again:
2. Share things that you find troubling that happen in this world. Discuss how God might use them for his purposes.
3. Pray for each other.
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